[Ramblings] We are definitely not beating the allegations

I like setting the record straight and drawing boundaries firmly and resolutely.

Some people find it harsh and maybe a bit appalling. I think most of us were taught in our childhood to bow our heads and dim ourselves so as to not outshine the elders or our ‘betters’. It could also be the fact that most of us want to fit in and early on, we learned that any form of dissent from us will be received with backlash and worst, shunning. From that, most of us dare not stand up for what is right or what we believe in. We rather let evil and wrongdoings prevail if that meant no ruffling of feathers or disturbance of status quo. 

Whatever one does with their life, that is their own cross to bear. 

That being said and to make it extra clear, I pass no judgment. I don’t look down on people when they do bad things. I make sure that I stop at rebuking the abysmal things they commit. I do not let myself cross that threshold because how could I? I am not perfect. But two things can be true at once. I will call out bad and legally questionable actions when I see it happening right in front of me. People tend to mistake this as me looking down on them. Let me be clear: I always choose the hill that I would like to die on. If you are not affecting others or hurting opportunities for people who are doing honest work, you are not in my radar.

I do NOT want to be associated with fraudulent people and activities.

There is already a stigma about Asians marrying foreigners to alleviate their social standing and as much as it pains me to say it, this has been a source of great distress for myself. I take pride in who I am and what I did to be where I am today. It was an arduous road, filled with hardship and tears BUT never with dishonesty. I have always been a keen believer that there is another way, always–most certainly, other than selling your soul to survive. I sometimes wonder how one can look at themselves in the mirror when they know they cheated the system or used someone to get where they are or where they want to be. To just be lumped up with these people, just because of my nationality, is truly biting.

This is me refusing to dull my standards to make people around me comfortable.

I’m sorry, I just respect myself too much. I want to be credible and I like living my life with integrity. That is the plain and honest truth. I hate that because I am a Filipina, people immediately think that I am with my husband so that I can stay in Norway or in Europe. Even as a joke, I don’t like it. I left Norway when my contract ended and I looked for a legal job so I can stay legally in another country.

But you know why they say things like this? It is because of all the bullshit that fellow Filipinas and Filipina au pairs keep on doing abroad. Even in shows on Netflix, we are being portrayed as such: Filipina au pairs coming to Europe to look for European husbands so they can stay in Europe and run away from their miserable lives! 

These are real occurrences: (1) Au pairs that signed up on dating apps even before coming to their host countries so they can immediately snatch a husband before their contract ends, (2) making sure that they get pregnant so they can apply for a residence permit through their baby or their baby daddy, (3) guilt-tripping, forcing or conniving with their boyfriends to marry them so they can stay, (4) applying as the au pair of their single-dad boyfriend instead of going through proper channels, (5) paying for people to marry them so they can apply for a spousal visa, (6) sketchy Filipinas pushing other Filipinas to marry foreigners so they can have residency in their host country and (7) marrying someone, staying for 3 years with them and leaving them after getting their Permanent Residence. WTF, right?

The rain, same as death, is a great equalizer. 

The action of many affects the fate of one so I want to set the record straight right here and right now. I am not like these people and I don’t ever want to be associated with them. 

If you are one of these people, it is nothing personal, I just don’t want to be seen and treated like you. I had a genuine relationship with my husband, we didn’t break any law by falsifying documents, our relationship and our marriage. We didn’t use the au pair scheme so I can come and stay in Norway (I am not even residing in Norway at the moment–which is documented through and by Skatteetaten). We did not marry under false pretenses and I never forced him to marry me. He genuinely asked for my hand after a considerable amount of time of us being in a relationship.

And, as a PSA for anyone who doesn’t know this:

One can get married if you have the necessary documents for it. Now, the application for the FRV is a different thing. That is where the questionnaire and interview comes in. Don’t believe anyone who tells you that they admit to something that they lied about on LEGAL FORMS before they were able to get married. Nothing of that sort happens. Do what you will with this information.